Marriage vows are made with little or no consideration for their importance. Why ... if it doesn't work out or we hit any snags or problems, it is simple ... we can just cast those vows aside as if they were not a life time promise made but nothing more than words stated because the ritual of a wedding ceremony demanded them.

 So what if we have brought children into the world ? Better a single parent home than one where problems cause upset or distress for Mommy and/or Daddy. God forbid that we as adults be forced to deal with problems and make compromises !  ' Children will do just fine with only one parent '.  So horrendously untrue, but in this day and age a theory  that is quite commonplace.

Of course this theory has nothing to do with the increase in drug use or violence and the myriad of equally serious problems amongst the youth of today ... which  in the days of REAL commitment, predating the so called nuclear age, were the rarity rather than the norm they have now become.

 Marriage takes WORK. And so does parenting. And some of the problems are indeed extremely difficult. But in so many cases just a little thought and consideration for the promises made  and the responsibilities assumed by both partners  will, with  a real commitment, allow us to find solutions which will lead to fulfilment of our promises and  one day down the road believe it or not ...  contentment and peace of mind in the knowledge that as parents we have met our responsibilities and done our best to fulfill them to the best of our abilities.

 As parents we assume a responsibility when we bring children into the world to provide the best possible start in life for those children. This includes a stable loving home, one where the parents teach by example and where values, integrity and responsibility do require effort on the part of each of us.

Commitment is not demonstrated by doing everything right but by the decision to hang in there even through failure. The difference between the impossible and the possible very often lies in a person's determination. Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes observe, their ears listen, and their minds process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that every day the building blocks are being laid for their child's future.

In our parents' and grandparents' day we were a people who looked at obstacles as something to  be overcome.  We built railroads across a vast and unsettled continent, raised great towers to the sky and built bridges across mighty rivers. Our credo was similar to that of the US Marine Corps, " The difficult we do immediately, the impossible takes a little longer." Now so much is impossible ... even the easy.

There are exceptions of course. No family should be subjected to, or be expected to accept brutality  or abuse, for example, as a prerequisite  to maintaining the family unit. Of course in such cases no one should be expected to honour a commitment made in good conscience,  the value of which the partner has destroyed.  None of us has the right to  judge  the actions taken in such cases  to assure the safety and well being of the children involved.

The types of problems which are in most cases solvable and of which I speak are not of that nature. They are the type of problems which require genuine effort on the part of both partners and which with mutual responsibility and respect can be resolved with the underlying affection, caring, and family unity in fact growing stronger  through the years. Unfortunately it is much easier in our society to walk away and simply start over than to face the responsibility  which is rightfully ours. We made choices. We made commitments. They matter.

How can our children be expected to respect commitment and promises made if  they have no example to show them the way ? How did our parents and grandparents manage? Was marriage so much easier in their day  ? I hardly think so. The difference is they WORKED at making  their marriage work and were willing to accept  problems as something to be faced and dealt with ... together. They didn't see any other choice available to them. They accepted that a commitment had been made, that problems met and dealt with were a part of the bargain and the rewards not always necessarily as they would like. They didn't cut and run when the going got tough. They stayed and proved they could, and would build a family unit worthy of saving.

 No one ever promised any of us that life would always be easy. Where the heck has that idea come from ? These days we teach our children by our actions and our attitudes that "if it gets hard..  you can just walk away."  Is it any wonder so many angry children believe  that if it isn't handed to them gift wrapped and without a price tag  they are being mistreated ? How will they ever learn the value of working to accomplish goals and the satisfaction which ensues when one succeeds?

 We do not have the right to deprive them of that pleasure. We owe them a great deal more than that ! And I am NOT referring to material  objects but something of infinitely more value and worth.

 Integrity, honour and what commitment means. They will never receive anything which will have more value or which will serve them better.